Fears. We all have them, but what triggers us can be very unique. When we are in a state of fear, we don't make decisions that empower us. We settle for what we think we can get rather than what we really want. We sabotage what we really want because we are too uncomfortable to deal with it. Yep, when fear has us in a headlock, there's not much room for love, grace or ease.
Tony Robbins has said that "stressed is the successful person's word for fear" and I love this because although most of us have been known to utter the words "I'm stressed", not many of us would own up to saying "I'm afraid..," but really it's the same thing.
Fear over not having enough money. Fear that we won't get it right. Fear that we won't meet our dream partner. Fear that we made a mistake.
Like I said earlier, when you're in fear, it's hard to see a way out or to make an empowering decision. Your lens of the world is so skewed it can be hard to see a different perspective...kind of like the opposite of wearing rose tinted glasses. In order to start getting more positive vibes going, you need to get out of the lizard brain of fear so that you have access to the part of your brain that will help you make better decisions. Here's the process I use when fear gets me overwhelmed.
1. Realise that fear is not fact, it's just your brain's way of trying to keep you safe. Take a deep breath, say 'thank you' and then ask yourself, "What am I afraid will happen?" and "What's the worst case scenario?" When we play it out, most of the time we know how we could deal with the very worst, if it were to occur. Knowing that we could cope helps to lessen the anxiety so that we can start to move from feeling stuck to taking action.
2. Write a list of all the things you're grateful for. It might be that you're stressed about money, but how can you shift your perception so you start focusing on what you do have? Remember what you focus on grows, so unless you want your debt / or lack of money to keep getting bigger and scarier start focusing on what you do have. "I'm so grateful I can afford to get groceries this week, that I have this warm house to live in, that I have hot water for a shower, that I can pay my internet bill, that my friend is happy to cut my hair for free...." and just keep writing. This will help you shift your psychology and move into step 3....
3. Start bridging your thoughts in a positive direction. This one has got me out of many a pickle in times when affirmations have seemed like to much of a stretch. I know that many personal growth gurus will tell you that if you're feeling broke you should say to yourself "I'm a millionaire!" "I have all the money I've ever wanted - and more!" but if you don't even kind of believe that will be possible then this usually has a more damaging effect on our self esteem than a positive one. What you need to do is reach for a better thought - one that you can believe in.
You know how you have a tendency to spiral when you start thinking something negative? For example, "I knew this wouldn't work. I'm not smart enough to do it. In fact, I've never been good at this stuff. There's not much I am good at. Oh and great - now I've spilled coffee on myself. What a winner." And so forth. One bad thought can turn into a symphony on what's wrong with you and your life. The good news is, so can one good thought. Staying on the topic of money, let's say that your current thoughts are something like this: "I'm so broke. I can't afford those new shoes I want. I can't afford dinner out this weekend. I'm such a loser. I hate having no money." What you'd like to feel is rich, abundant...rolling in it. So a bridging thought might be, "but you know, money always seems to come in when I least expect it. I've always been taken care of in the end. I can pay my rent for another week, and actually I did get a free coffee bought for me yesterday." Think of it like an inverse spiral - you are spiralling upwards, with every thought taking you back to the superstar you really are.
4. Get clear and take action. Get clear on how you'd like to feel: rich, healthy, confident....whatever is the opposite of the way you're currently feeling. Then ask yourself, "what action steps could I take now to start feeling the way I want to feel?"
Most importantly remember that your fear is not your truth. (False Evidence Appearing Real, remember?) Your fears definitely need to be listened to, but then you call the shots on how you respond to that fear. When you can shift from a state of fear and into one of empowerment and love, your physical and mental health will love you for it!